I often find myself in the same situation, sitting around in a circle with a bunch of Paraguayans, drinking terere or beer or whatever is being served at the current function, just hanging out and talking. My predicaments usually start out in the same way. I greet the group as I join it. You have to say hello to each person individually, kissing their cheeks' or shaking hands, whichever is appropriate to the situation. Here is where I have to make my first big linguistic decision, throw in a little Guarani and get it over with, or wait it out. If I am feeling up to it, I'll throw in a "Mba'e la porte" or "Mba'echapa" and watch their faces light up due to my use of their native tongue. This is inevitably followed by a reference to volunteer x who spoke "perfect" Guarani. Then they make me feel bad because I don't speak Guarani, or not nearly as well as that other volunteer does. Because of this, I usually stick to Spanish in the initial stages of the conversation.
After a minute or so of polite banter in Spanish, the conversation reverts to Guarani and I am lost. Sometimes its worth my energy to try and follow the conversation and if its something work related I usually get it, but when its social chat I just don't understand. Words are cut off and pronounced differently than their original forms. Most of the time I zone out.
Paraguayans always tell us how no one really speaks the true form of Guarani, "its Jopara' they say, its a mix of Spanish and Guarani. Really its pretty much all Guarani with some Spanish words mixed in. During these conversations where I am in my own head and not paying any attention I'll hear myself mentioned in the conversation. "Melissa doesn't talk much" or "Melissa blah, blah, blah" accompanied by a look to me "You understood that, right? Hahaha" Of course I didn't understand, I wasn't trying to. At this point the conversation then goes to volunteer x who spoke "perfect" Guarani. Bring on the humiliation. I have to choose my battles, be humiliated right from the start or sit there hoping the conversation doesn't turn to my lack of linguistic abilities.
Sometimes they don't mention me or my lack of ability. Sometimes they just sit around talking and telling jokes. Another decision must be made. Do I laugh at the jokes just because everyone else is laughing? Or do I sit there, looking confused, obviously the only person not laughing? When I laugh I risk the common questions, "Did you understand that? What did we say?" When I don't laugh I look like a sour pus. Fiddling with my phone is a culturally accepted distraction that I sometimes use to be excused from the conversation. Other times I just sit and smile, hoping that just this once it won't be too awkward.
There are also lots of situations in which the Paraguayans speak Guarani because they know I won't understand. They seem to enjoy the look of confusion on my face and they like to laugh at the Gringa who doesn't understand. This is when it hurts the most. Whether its a statement directed at me or a comment about me, its not fun to be laughed at like that.
My peace of mind comes from the knowledge that during my three years here I learned Spanish, the language that will be of use to me for the rest of my life. Learning Guarani would have helped avoid awkward social situations and humiliation, but I can use Spanish even in my own country. Plus I did learn at least of few key phrases in Guarani like my current favorites anichene, kinda like you don't say?, and ndaikuai, I don't know.
